Meet Katrina, she likes me for reasons I can’t fathom. But I luff her. =]

The XX - Heart Skipped A Beat 

Download

Please don’t say we’re done
When I’m not finished
I could give so much more
Make you feel, like never before
Welcome, they said welcome to the floor

It’s been a while
And you’ve found someone better
But I’ve been waiting too long to give this up
The more I see, I understand
But sometimes, I still need you

Sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you
Sometimes, I still need you

And I was struggling to get in
Left waiting outside your door
I was sure
You’d gimme more

No need to come to me
When I can make it all the way to you
You made it clear
You weren’t near
Near enough for me

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I’m sure, I’m sure
You’ve heard it before

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I’m sure, I’m sure
You’ve heard it before

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I’m sure, I’m sure
You’ve heard it before

Heart skipped a beat
And when I caught it you were out of reach
But I’m sure, I’m sure
You’ve heard it before

Lego heart

Link

eliseymartini:

The day has, unfortunately, come to an end. Here’s the recap (:

Morning:
I woke up around 11:30a hearing my house phone ringing and I hear my dad say my name. David called the house apparently and my dad called me down after he got off the phone telling me that David was going to come by and drop something off. About 20 min after that, I called David and complained about how tired I was while he was on his way to my casa. He arrives and he gives me a box thing of Edible Arrangements! Fantabulouso XD They’re chocolate covered strawberrys!!!!!!!!!!!! Ummm, my mommy came home and sooooo, I ran upstairs got her gift and gave it to her. I’m glad she liked my gift, it made me super extra happy!! Mommy asked David where we were today, but I told her I didn’t knonw ‘cause David wouldn’t tell me (and only ‘cause I know he didn’t have his back-up plan from going to Discovery Green lol). He left ‘cause he had to go do stuffs. I showered and got ready and all that good stuff (:

Afternoon:
When I finished showering David came and I saw him through my window and we waved at each other :D I thought it was cute… o.0; I took a long time deciding what shoes to wear too. I got Deborah’s gift down and then I think we left.. there’s more stuff in between, but that’s insignificant. Sooooooo, we went to Panda Bistro and pretty much we all exchanged gifts. Deborah gave me a super soft teddy bear that’s holding a heart that says, “hug me.” I already know what David got me, but I’ll say anyway! David gave me a ring from Tiffany & Co. that I really wanted!! Also, it fits perfectly! I gave David a gift basket (: His gift basket contained: The basket, v-day card that says, “lick me,” a shirt that he wanted, a small teddy bear, honey (honey for my honeybear!), a tiny jar of paper stars, and lots of tiny photo book things that I printed out on EXPENSIVE PAPER (which wasn’t mine, btw) and cut and put together all by me! I have never made a gift basket before, but I had fun (: After the gift exchange we headed over to Empire Cafe. I had the Fiorenza and he had the Milano. Super extra yummy. For dessert, we went to Agoras. Very nice, cozy coffee shop. They had heart-shaped cupcakes so, I got one and he got a baklava (‘cause I’d never tried those). Hmmmmmm…

Late afternoon/early evening:
After Agoras, we went to Rice Village! The only store that I’ll talk about is Urban Outfitters, ‘cause that’s the only store we actually bought stuff in. David bought me a super soft, cute, blue top, some new shadesss, and he bought this photo strip thing.. I dunno, those crazy ideas of his came up (: While walking around, I randomly reminded him that I wanted to buy my parents a cake over at Jungle so we headed our way over there. Making it to Jungle Cafe, I spent a retarded amount of time trying to figure out what to get. I settled with Mango Musse and the raspberry one I forgot the name of just now (fuckk..). Since Jungle Cafe is so close to Moshi Moshi, I wanted to go there for a new cell phone charm. Once again, a retarded amount of time was spent just looking at everything else BUT the charms. I ended up wanting this notepad thing and I saw a cute pink girly shiny cell phone charm and he bought it for me (:

night/at home:
David and I ate dinner with each other talked and then after that he brought up watching Grand Torino. Instead, he got his laptop and we watched the most hilarious episode of Top Gear I’ve ever seen. I loved it.

And that’s it! I think this was the best Valentine’s day I’ve ever had. All thanks to David (: ♥

*(:

Valentines 2009

I miss how good had it.

I was reading through my old blog, and stumbled upon a comment I didn’t see.

http://walkinmypants.wordpress.com/2008/09/20/all-over-again/

I wish this still held true today.

All my life I’ve done what I’ve needed to and then some. I’ve helped myself without the need of my parents, and taught myself the fundamentals despite them not being there. Everything I have I’ve earned and bought myself. I put myself through high school without assistance, teaching myself college math and making new friends in a new school. I paid for my own college education and currently in it. I want to a great future for not only myself, but also for my wife and kids. Growing up with my parents always at work, being a mistake because of my mother having me at 41, and being raised by my sisters. I really wanted one thing; affection. I went through the first 13 years of my life never being told I was loved. I wonder sometimes if my life would be any different if I was shown affection at an earlier age, if I would be different, if maybe i wouldn’t be such an angry person; or maybe think about others before myself. But honestly I shouldn’t think about this. It’s all said and done. All I can really do is try and change myself to make myself a better person, and make decisions that will be better for myself. I have a career, I have good friends, I have most of the stuff I want, and I goto college, but I am missing one thing; a princess. In my whole life I’ve had three major relationships. The first one was during the latter half of my freshmen year of HS with my best friend. It was a consistent relationship that really had genuine affection, it showed me how romantic I could be. We broke it off due to the fact that she was moving to Dallas. It was the toughest good bye, mainly due to the fact I didn’t have to say that kind of good bye very often. It was tough, but I quickly adjusted due to the fact that we’re still great friends, it showed that the type of dynamic we had was halfway between best friend/ and a crush. She knows me better than I know myself, and that still hold true today. The second relationship started out like a fairy tale and ended up a legal nightmare. This happened during the holidays of my senior year of high school. I called her out of the blue, and it was just great from then on. Given the statement that she was a girl I had a crush on back in seventh grade, and was embarrass that she also liked me back then -_- . Anyway this relationship was great and amazing, till we went to college. We had fights, we missed each other, I visted her as much as I could, did everything I could till it got bad. We broke up around Q1 of 2008 because it was hard for us to be that far apart. To me, I was waiting for summer to get back together, so I kept supporting her financially and mentally. During that time I believed that she still loved me and wanted us to get back together, but during all this she cheated on me. Sure we weren’t together, but if you come crying to me asking for money, and talking to me about your problems, you don’t pull that stuff behind my back.. This is the first relationship in which I told them I loved  them. This relationship showed me how love could be amazing, how love is wonderful, and how much heartbreak fucking sucks. The latest love was the best. I don’t think it’s over. But it showed me how comfortable you can be with someone, The things you’d do for the one you love, and how beautiful you can view someone. She showed me how stubborn I was, and how stubborn someone could be. But goddamn, I adored her. I adored how cute was, how sexy she was, how creative she was, how smart she was, and how much she cared about me. It was everything I couldn’t wished for. But knowing me, I had to mess it up somehow. :(

Why does everyone tell me I’m a great catch. I remember a comment someone posted on my blog about 4 years ago. It went something along these lines,

” hello. you might not know me, but i know several things about you. you seem like a person full of love to me according to everything you said. if you’ve been through a broken heart before, i’m really sorry about that. I’m sure when you’re with a girl you must be cherishing her like a treasure that anyone could not find but just you. however, some of the friends that you’ve once grown up with, just do not know shit about love and treating their gf. like crab. if only they can be half as understanding like you then everything would’ve been fine. btw, you might understand what i’m talking about or you might not have a single clue, however, i just thought i should let you know about how i think and feel even it doesn’t matter to you whether who i am or not or whether you care about what i said above.”

This is someone that visited me regularly. She had never met me in person, never knew about me before, and only gathered this from my posts of emo-ness. My ex-girlfriend said the same things before we started dating. How I’m an amazing guy, how lucky any girl would be happy to have me. During looking for the comment, I went off on a tangent and looked at my ex’s blog. It read:

“Sometimes, I find him losing his patience on me. Its not his fault. I’m very difficult. I never make up my mind on things and often, I take him for granted. He’s always there for me. When I down and blue, I could always count on him to tickle me into laughter or tell me the right words (or joke) to wipe my grays away, even if its three o’ clock in the morning. I know sometimes he thinks I don’t appreciate him but I do and guess this is my opportunity to tell him so. David, I know most of the time I don’t thank you for the things you do for me and thats maybe because of the comfort that has grown onto our relationship. Still, that should not be an excuse. I do notice the things you do for me and I am grateful to have you at my side, as my boyfriend, my companion, and most importantly, as my best friend. We have both seen each other grow since our “teeny bopper” days and I hope that we will be together as we grow into our golden days. I love you with all my heart and there’s not a day that I think otherwise. I know the road ahead is very frightening for both of us. The idea of not having you near me scares me to death. You know this from my little moments… I know we will work it out in the end and in the end, we will be together. I love you, monkey. “

It makes me wondered what has happened from the point you pressed publish, to the event that led to our breakup. Or any break up. Why can’t it be consistant, that’s what I really want. I’m usually the control, the one that’s always there, the one that is consistently caring.

I wish I was wanted, I wish I was sought after. As stupid as it sounds, I’m always the one approaching, gawking, having to pick my jaw off of the floor ( like when I see my latest ex. ). I don’t blame society; I don’t have much going for me, and what I do have going for me is illegal to show. I’m skinny, lanky, Asian, ugly, and I have bushy eyebrows. Damn eyebrows. But I wish I didn’t have to try so damn hard. I mean it gets easier when they get to know me, but still. I have to make sure that whomever is really worth my time, this is again because I have to try hard. My swagger isn’t that bad, is it?

Reality showed me that I’m expecting too much. But it my mind I think it simple; find someone as beautiful inside as they are outside, find someone I have a lot in common with, who has an amazing sense of humor, one that will be true to me, one that is sincere, and have a bangin’ booty. That’s not to much is it.

I’ve made it this far in life, knowing the tribulations, the hurt, and happiness it can bring. But I will continue to be optimistic, or at least try to be. Cause really, that’s all you can do. You can’t predict it, you can’t fight it, you can’t mold it into what ever you like. Just hope for the best.

I love you. Alot. Damn this sucks.